4-27-00 Th 5:03 PM

I'm sitting at the kitchen table next to a bowl of fruit and an Easter basket.  10:29 PM  I'm at my desk in "my office" now.  I have an ancient Men at Work tape playing.  It's all scratched up.  The Lakers won big.  I'll throw this tape out when it's over because the sound is so garbled.  Ugh.  I had to throw it away right then.  Put the radio on.  KPCC.  Trippin' out right now.  High.  Back from night class now.  Had the rest of that bottle of merlot we brought back from Miceli's.  Went to the store and spent too much money on booze.  Ugh.  Milly called to thank us for her wedding presents.  I didn't know anything about it, but I played along.  

I was reading the journal earlier today.  It's so vitriolic.  I want to try not to write so negatively.  Would it be me, though, if I wrote any other way?  I don't know. Whatever.  A horrifying thing came on TV about head drillings.  Magnetically horrifying.  I could almost see how you might benefit from a literal hole in the head.  It might release the pressure.  Almost.  An island of dead and starving Haitians was on the radio.  Started the intro to a 1950 version of Day of the Locust.  ~ An angel hovered in the lights of a carnival's spinning rides just before a tornado struck.  There was a photograph of it.  [Realistic pencil sketch of man in coat and tie] My eyes are dry.  I have to get a haircut tomorrow.  Tux in Westminster.  What else?  Now I got De La Soul on the radio.  I thought I'd find some bud in my tobacco pouch.  I was wrong.  I was thinking what an accomplishment it's been that I have only been buying a new bag every six weeks or so when Rochelle said, "Wow.  I can't believe how fast you smoked that whole bag."  Something like that.  Here's another journal no one should ever see.  Sigh.  There's so much crap in Jim that needs to be cleaned out and straightened up.  I can't decide whether to press on until done or scrap the whole project because the foundation's cracked.  Does it need complete restructuring or just cosmetic work when it's finished.  If the foundation were cracked, a professional homebuilder wouldn't build.  I assume.  Ass of u and me.