Three Single Women

3-20-96 3:45 PM Sa
Out around Jawbone, Dove Springs Road, up in the Mojave.  Had a little drizzle this morning, but now it's God-crafted cloud sculptures against a canvas of flawless blue sky.  We arrived under the cover of darkness.  Pitched tents, got a fire going, stood around it drinking beer.  I've been nearly mute, but everyone is comradely.  Climbed into my tent after two.  Got out again around eight.  Opened a beer.  They gave me a helmet and a bike to ride.  I could operate it more or less but not before I took a spill and grated the first layer of skin off my palm.  I've had about a dozen beers so far today and a couple pipe hits and some coffee and whiskey.  Then I followed Tim on the 350 up to and along the ridge north of here.  There were whoop-te-doos and such, and I handled it all til we dropped into a valley of sand where the bike slid all over and I lost her on my ankle.  It tingles some, but I righted it and got back to camp with no further mishaps.  Since then we've been drinking and shooting at cans and bottles with a .22, a 30-30, and a twelve-gauge shotgun.  I hadn't shot a gun since my Red Ryder BB in the backyard fifteen years ago, but I hit a few cans and bottles despite my usual shakes.  I have to piss a pint or so every twenty minutes.  I have actually finished Act III of "12th Night" out here.  Can hardly think of less likely conditions for reading Bill Shakespeare.  Whatever.  The smoke is blowing right into me.  Crows and buzzards circle overhead.  Coleco asked me if there are more black or white people in the world.  I said, "I don't know."  Maybe I should have said, "What's the difference?"  The chair I was just sitting in collapsed.  Hyna's mom asked if I've been working out.  Said I look good with extra weight.  There are three single women in this camp.  I'm assuming they're horny.  Shirelle didn't want to come.  I hope I can check out that pad on Hudson tomorrow.

W 3-17-99 12:39 PM Yeah yeah yeah.  Dreary and cold today.  Got a bunch more conferences.  I'm trying to decide whether or not to take the night off and go out drinking for St. Pat's.  I typed fifteen minutes this morning.  It wasn't easy.  I rode my-wobbly-tired bike to school.  The rim's bent from all the curb hopping you have to do in this city.
Th 3-18-99 7:00 PM
I'm at night school.  I'm tired.  I went out to Dublin's last night with the G.I.P.  I got drunk.  I didn't have much of a hangover, though.  I read the paper.  I've been having a lot of trouble with the crossword lately.  Did I type this morning?  I think I did.  I went to JITB for lunch.  Ugh.  Had a couple more conferences. I watched the rest of "Henry Fool."  It was pretty ok.  Good enough for me.  I read another scene in Twelfth Night.  I have to tend to my laundry when I get home.  I have to wash my linens.  I made some fish.  Mr. Martinez said there's a place on Hudson I can rent. What about this dirt-bike-riding thing?  It's supposed to rain this weekend.  My students are planning a party for next week.  They asked me to leave the room so they can talk about it.  That can only mean they're taking up a collection to buy me a gift. 
3-19-99 F 1:35 PM
It's been ten days since I last wrote three pages in one sitting, and I doubt I'll live up to that goal this time either.  I didn't type this morning.  I read the paper.  I'm done with my conferences.  I only had two no-shows.  Tim's supposed to pick me up after school today to go motorcycle riding out in the desert.  It's supposed to rain. I'm not sure I want to go.  We may stop for a drink at El Cholo before we head out.  Shirelle's upset that I'm going.  I was playing video games with Antown until he started getting too rude and I threw him out.  I went up to Flame Chicken with Florelle.  We talked about Sergio and Shirelle.  Blah blah blah.  Shirelle has been making an issue of my indifference.  "Why are you so indifferent?" she kept asking.  I haven't read any "Twelfth Night" yet today.  I should have left an hour ago to type.  Antown's waiting outside, sucking his thumb.  I wish I'd have finished that play today.  I wonder why Salvador never can push in his chair.  I still haven't attended to my email.  Can't find my little notebook.  Geez, what else?  How do I know whether or not to move in with Shirelle?  What else?  This is so frustrating and disheartening and disgusting not to have anything to say.  A writer with nothing to write.  If I had the balls to renounce my status as a cog in the machine, would I have more to say?  Quit the Cosmodemonic Telegraph Company?  Oh, where, O where is that "Jeopardy" check?  Oh where, O where can it be?  What else?  What else? [red ink line drawing of Schoolhouse Rock "Interjections" cheerleader with a word bubble reading "Yeah!"]  Nothing.  Nothing.  Vile fucking emptiness and despair.  Nothing matters.  Indifference.  It's true.  I am indifferent.  Why?  What difference does my existence make?  Millions could step in and take my place.  I'm nothing.

11:45 AM Tu 3-16-99
What about today?  It's light outside in the morning now.  My Shakespeare book is on my desk.  Antown wanted to know what book it is.  I said, "It's a book of plays written almost five hundred years ago by a guy named Shakespeare."
"Who's he?"
"Have you ever heard of "Romeo and Juliet?"
"Yeah!"
"He wrote it."
"Is that in there?"
"Yup,"
I read them the balcony scene.  They ate it up.  Now they want to "do" Shakespeare.  I said maybe later because we had math to do.
I typed fifteen minutes this morning.  The air was a little chilly as I rode my bike to school.  I was pissed this morning because seven kids did not turn in their homework.  They had to write what they would do if they ran a circus.  You'd think it would have been fun.  Whatever.  Oh, well.  I went to Burger King for lunch.  I'm going to have to get back on that diet soon.  Maybe I can She lies so casually. lift some weights today.  I haven't done a third-person page for a while.  Today for sure.  Then I've got to e-mail Sean Manson and Steve Brittlecombe.  I should be able to slap a few more lines on Jim.  2:00  My last parent conference was showing off some tit.  I talked to five more parents today with one no-show.  I'm done now, but I'm not really supposed to leave for about another forty minutes.  I haven't seen a newspaper yet today.  I've got to go to the store and get toilet paper and water.  What else?  I went to bed early, but I feel like taking a nap.  I haven't read any "Twelfth Night" yet today.  I have to get to LACAS this week to get my attendance, chalk, and the tests.  Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. Should I take off work to get drunk? I don't have much left to teach.

Queer Elephant Gives Birth to Perverse Genetic Mutation

3-13-99  Sa 1:53 PM
We're at Sam's Seafood in Huntington Beach.  It's got that Polynesian theme.  A waterfall tumbles out of the wall, an outrigger surfs the ceiling., beach murals line the walls; the furniture is made of bamboo and wicker.  It reads SAM'S on a big marlin-shaped sign a hundred feet over PCH.  The payphones are in giant clam shells. 
3-14-99 11:39 PM Su
Sloshball was fun.  I hit a homerun.  A fight broke out at Shirelle's party.  I got drunk on Bushmill's.  Lennox Lewis dominated Holyfield, but the criminal judges ruled it a draw.  We lay in bed all day.  I finished The Old Testament.  Seems I ought to have something to say about so momentous an occasion, but I don't.  I read the newspaper.  I watched "Sense and Sensibility."  It was about how lame chicks are.  I talked to my sister Bernice.  What else?  I have to start report cards tomorrow.  I have to do that salary-point homework.  I puked last night, in the toilet.  I hadn't puked in years.  I'm sleeping at Shirelle's. 
12:43 PM  M 3-15-99
I'm having the hardest time writing.  It's raining today.  That's about it.  What else already?  I read Act 1 of "Twelfth Night."  Duke Orsino has sent the disguised Viola to profess the duke's love to Olivia, but Olivia has spurned the duke. That's about it really.  The kids are doing silent reading. What else?  I ate leftover pasta for lunch.  Crap.  How can things be this lame?  My imagination dies a little bit every day, my potential shrinks, my freedom locks another door. My path becomes narrower.  I have to turn in that homework.  Reply to some e-mail.  Look for a house to live in.  Ugh. Ugh and fuck.  What else?  I brought a thermos full of coffee to school.  I did about half my report cards.  I can't stand Jim.  What's my major malfunction?  We watched "Horton Hatches the Egg."  Dr. Seuss's shit is bizarre.  We've got a mother who abandons her child to a queer, one-track-mind elephant who is kidnapped and exploited and inexplicably gives birth to some perverse genetic mutation.  Yeah, good, uplifting family story.  The kids clapped at the end. 

1:56 PM Th 3-11-99
I have to remember to do that homework.  Have to figure out what to do about my taxes.  Have to figure out where to live.  Seems like there was something else.  It drizzled a little today, but it's sunny now.  Kayo came over last night.  I wrote him a letter of recommendation to get into CSUN's teacher credentialing program.  He gave me a ride to Shirelle's.  I put my bike in the back of his truck.  I rode to school from there on my bike.  I stopped at a Mexican grease pit on Beverly and had a Spanish omelet.  I got the check and dug into my pocket to find that I had no money.  I had to leave my wallet and backpack for collateral while I rode to an ATM.  I'm having a deja-vu.  One of my students gave me some sope fixin's last night.  I ate some of that thick tortilla right now.  There was an article in the paper today about Epictetus philosophy of stoicism.  I sat with Anna a few minutes at lunch.  Whatever.  I feel resigned to my fate today.  I have to type my fifteen minutes when I get home since I wasn't there to do it this morning.  I have a lot of email to reply to.  What else?  We have to have a grade-level meeting tomorrow.  I'll begin report cards.  I'm reading an essay about the evolution of airplanes.  Well, the kids are gone now, and I can go, too.  Maybe I'll figure out what else to write about after I've left this school.  6:21 PM  I'm at Pio Pico now.  I came early to play chess.  I played two games at once against fifth grade girls.  I won one and lost one.  Duh.  I started a story called "Terrific Mother."  It's a good story, by a woman named Lorrie Moore.  I walked up to a Chinese food/donut shop/ice cream parlor and got a cup of coffee and a donut.  I'm still hungry, though.  What else?
12:47 PM 3-12-99 F
I baked a dozen or so chicken wings around midnight last night.  I wasn't hungry, but they had been in the fridge a few days and needed to be cooked.  I figured I could eat them for lunch, but I ate them all last night.  I forgot to call LACAS about my lost check.