That's What I Should Have Barbara Eden Do For Me
Sun 9-20-98 8:15 AM
I'm at Brea Golf Course. I'm waiting to play nine with my stepfather. I just hit a bucket on the range, and if it's any indication of how my game will go, I should have just stayed home. I finally remembered what I thought was so funny. I was thinking of how George Mallory's reason for climbing Everest is the same as mine for going to Jack in the Box: "Because it's there."
Shirelle and I drove down to a Japanese restaurant in Huntington Beach called Tsunami to celebrate Stevo's birthday. It was crowded, and we had to wait a long time for a table and Shirelle got crabby.
The Angels won. We read Trivial Pursuit cards. This Asian dude, Ray, said something like, "j, I was so surprised to hear a guy like you is going on a game like "Jeopardy!" when a guy like me is so clearly superior." I don't know that he was kidding. I said, "Ray, if you give it a little thought, you'll find the fallacy in your statement, and it will all become obvious to you." Nerd fight. We read cards. He did know his shit.
8:01 PM M 9-21-98
Lying on the couch watching the Angels choke away another pennant run. The GIP asks, "If you had Barbara Eden at your disposal, what would you do?"
"Violate her every orifice. Keep her locked up," I answer. "I mean, that's the correct answer, isn't it, hypothetically speaking?" I'm probably just kidding. The GIP seems satisfied. Whatever. I was supposed to do laundry today, but I still haven't. That's what I should have Barbara Eden do for me. I was supposed to send out my bills, and I haven't done that yet, either. I ordered a pizza, though. Ate seven slices dipped in fredo sauce, and a half dozen spicy wings. I also ate two peanut butter and jellies for lunch and a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. I have to eat sparingly the rest of the week. I should have gotten milk at the market today. I got coffee, bread, and a newspaper. Something new is wrong with my car. I'm not sure what. Maybe the fuel injectors need cleaning or maybe it needs a new fuel filter or spark plugs. Every time I fix something, it takes less than a week for something else to go wrong. I haven't gotten any exercise the last three days. What else? I played quite a few National Trivia Network games today. What else? I've pretty much abandoned Jim 'til after "Jeopardy!" Ugh. What else? The Angels suck. What else? I'm fat. What else? I'm not as fat as the GIP. My stepmother wrote me a letter. GIP says, "What'd I do to deserve this? I didn't do anything to deserve this." He could be talking about anything. What else? I typed fifteen minutes today. Read some Bible. Sportswriter. Back to work tomorrow.
I'm at Brea Golf Course. I'm waiting to play nine with my stepfather. I just hit a bucket on the range, and if it's any indication of how my game will go, I should have just stayed home. I finally remembered what I thought was so funny. I was thinking of how George Mallory's reason for climbing Everest is the same as mine for going to Jack in the Box: "Because it's there."
Shirelle and I drove down to a Japanese restaurant in Huntington Beach called Tsunami to celebrate Stevo's birthday. It was crowded, and we had to wait a long time for a table and Shirelle got crabby.
The Angels won. We read Trivial Pursuit cards. This Asian dude, Ray, said something like, "j, I was so surprised to hear a guy like you is going on a game like "Jeopardy!" when a guy like me is so clearly superior." I don't know that he was kidding. I said, "Ray, if you give it a little thought, you'll find the fallacy in your statement, and it will all become obvious to you." Nerd fight. We read cards. He did know his shit.
8:01 PM M 9-21-98
Lying on the couch watching the Angels choke away another pennant run. The GIP asks, "If you had Barbara Eden at your disposal, what would you do?"
"Violate her every orifice. Keep her locked up," I answer. "I mean, that's the correct answer, isn't it, hypothetically speaking?" I'm probably just kidding. The GIP seems satisfied. Whatever. I was supposed to do laundry today, but I still haven't. That's what I should have Barbara Eden do for me. I was supposed to send out my bills, and I haven't done that yet, either. I ordered a pizza, though. Ate seven slices dipped in fredo sauce, and a half dozen spicy wings. I also ate two peanut butter and jellies for lunch and a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. I have to eat sparingly the rest of the week. I should have gotten milk at the market today. I got coffee, bread, and a newspaper. Something new is wrong with my car. I'm not sure what. Maybe the fuel injectors need cleaning or maybe it needs a new fuel filter or spark plugs. Every time I fix something, it takes less than a week for something else to go wrong. I haven't gotten any exercise the last three days. What else? I played quite a few National Trivia Network games today. What else? I've pretty much abandoned Jim 'til after "Jeopardy!" Ugh. What else? The Angels suck. What else? I'm fat. What else? I'm not as fat as the GIP. My stepmother wrote me a letter. GIP says, "What'd I do to deserve this? I didn't do anything to deserve this." He could be talking about anything. What else? I typed fifteen minutes today. Read some Bible. Sportswriter. Back to work tomorrow.
Labels: Lowlife Literature
posted by johnz at 2:56 PM
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