Su 4-25-99 4:42 PM
Shirelle's driving us down to my mother's in Placentia.  We're going to take her and stepdad Josh to dinner.  Sister Bernice made reservations somewhere.  We've got to get gas.  So the stupid party cost me five hundred bucks.  Carlos Monteverde got all drunk and used the tiki torches for firewood.  All the steak, chicken, and carne asada got eaten.  I can eat the burgers and dogs the rest of the week.  There were many voices in my head falling asleep this morning.  I read the paper.  The Cubs beat the Mets at Wrigley.  I typed fifteen minutes.  I read chapters seven through fourteen of Mark.  It's a retelling of the same stuff that was in Matthew.  My nose is runny.  It's sunny, but cool and breezy.  I'll do my third-person page when we get home.  I'll add at least one sentence to Jim.  We're going to the Clippers game tomorrow night.  I've never been to an NBA game.  I'll have to get a sub for night school.  That palm tree on the side of the freeway had a skirt.  Moving is going to be a monumental pain in the ass.  The law favors party-poopers and assholes with money.  The freeway is clogged with traffic.  I want to know who to blame.  What else?  There's a lot of beer leftover.  I was expecting a lot more people. A wart is resurrecting itself on my index finger.  I'll read some Nin when I'm done here.  Got to pay my bills.  Work out.  Work out car situation.  Think about packing.  ugh. Should have brought the keg.  I'm probably going to have to take off Friday from work to get my shit ready to move.  Fredo, Pablo, Sanyo, and I were talking about LA Lit.  We talked about John Fante who has been considered so deviant, but who I think is actually a sweet, urban romantic. 

ugh

4-22-99 12:24 PM Thu
Today is Earth Day.  I don't know what to write here.  I told Shirelle I was ending our claim over each other.  Said I didn't trust her to be my wife.  Etc., Etc., Et cetera.  Whatever.  I brought "Lust for Life" to school.  We watched the beginning.  I'll probably have to watch the rest after school.
When will the other shoe fall?                        I haven't been inviting people to this so-called BBQ.  I told her maybe we ought to just be roommates.  She cried and begged.  I said I wasn't saying I didn't want to see her anymore.  I typed for fifteen minutes this morning about a girl I met at Molly's last night.  Urg.  I wrote a half-ass third-person page yesterday.  I haven't worked on Jim for a week or so.  I read the newspaper while the kids did the math section of the Stanford Nine test.  I hung out in the lounge at lunch.  So, what?  I told the psychologist how Pedro got a standing ovation for answering a question last week.  Everyone was talking about the Colorado high school massacre. Everyone's talking about a "Jocks vs. Nerds" conflict.  "That's a lot of embarrassing nonsense," I said.  Jack Coonan said, "Well, you must have been one of the jocks."  He sounded like he was reliving some old indignity from his school days.  I said, "Well, yeah, kind of, but I was benchwarmer, and I never pushed anyone around, and I didn't perpetuate or even notice stereotypes, but I think that's what you all are doing by turning this tragedy into some popular vs. outcasts over-simplification."  Chris said he hated high school.  Elmer said he never went to high school.  I said, "Yeah, you did; but you don't remember because you were high the whole time."  Everyone laughed.  We have to go to music pretty soon.  I went to Burger King this morning.  Ugh.  I've got to do a third-person page when I get home.  Those movies I rented are a day late now.  ugh.  I'll have to drop them off after school today.  I'll take a nap, too.  Maybe I'll go out again tonight to invite some girls to our BBQ/party.  I've still got some Anais Nin to read.  I told Getoff how I envied the way Henry Miller made each night of his life an adventure.  I played darts with some geeks last night.  Daniel just gave me "The Nose Book" to read.  We've got to go to music now.

4-21-99 12:15 PM W
Ugh.  Shirelle drove by and flipped me off this morning after she left in a huff when I told her she didn't know when to shut up.  Then she followed me to school.  I told her she couldn't see the forest through the trees, and I kept walking.  Everything is an absurd mess.  I'm tired.  I doubt this party is a very good idea.  Oh, well.  The wheels are in motion now.  Seems like the people I wanted to come can't come, though.  Whatever.  Two Across in the crossword today was "X-rated movie director's take?" and the answer turned out to be "GROSSINCOME."  I don't get it.  I went to the lounge to wonder aloud in front of other teachers if "COME" was the operative word in that pun.  Whatever.  I had coffee and a ham and cheese croissant for breakfast, so I skipped lunch.  Loren Mulroney asked me if I'd help her with her resume. I said I'd be happy to.  I told her about the party.  She said she was going to San Diego.  I told Anna about the party.  She said she had to work.  I told Drew about the party.  He said he's having one of his own.  Tim hasn't called back.  Whatever. Whatever.  Geek boy.  I want to drink.  Fuck [pencil sketch of Anais Nin's face] Fuck  What else?  I looked over my class's state exams.  "Dismal" is the first word that comes to mind.  Whatever.  I want out, but out to what?  Florelle gave me a ride to the credit union yesterday.  I deposited thirteen thousand dollars and kept the other seven hundred for myself to have fun with.  Think I'll stay out after class tonight and get drunk.  I do not want to deal with Shirelle.  Dion from Book Pals is coming today.  I should tell her about the BBQ.  I walked out of the house all pissed off and forgot to bring the party flier.  I slammed my keyboard, too.  Shirelle said she was going to some other party.  I said, "Good.  I'll have more fun without you anyway.  I'm glad."  Fuck her.  I've had it.  I always hook up intimately with the wrong women.  Because I don't have the balls or the self-esteem or the car to forge a relationship with the right woman.

12:57 PM Tu 4-20-99
Huuhhh.  It's the same as yesterday.  I love all these girls.  One, two, three in particular and hundreds more I'll never know.  Fuck.  Whatever.  It's sunny and breezy today.  Shirelle is unhappy because we haven't boned lately.  I tried, but it didn't work.  My heart wasn't in it nor was my cock.  Pbpbpb.  What can you do?  I dressed and typed for fifteen minutes.  Shirelle wants to go to some party Friday night.  Her boyfriend, Joe, is going to valet some Beverly Hills bigwig party, allegedly Leonard DiCaprio's, and Joe is going to sneak her in through the kitchen or something.  She wants to know if she can go.  Like I have some say.  She was out 'til three AM with Joe last Saturday.  I said, "Sure.  Why don't you sleep at Joe's, too."  Whatever.  I went to Taco Bell for breakfast.  I bought a newspaper.  I read it while the kids worked on their state exams.  Loren and Anna were in the lunch room.  Ugh.  Elmer said he'd take me up to the credit union to drop off my check.  I wish Loren or Anna would have said that.  Whatever.  The kids are supposed to read quietly until everyone is done with the test, but they're all fucking around.  We have some social studies to do next, then we'll go play softball.  I have to work tonight.  I think I've blown my chance of working this summer.  When will I do my third-person page?  When will I work on Jim?  When will my Bahamas info come?  Ugh.  I started reading Volume 1 of Anais Nin's Diaries.  Mine are illiterate rantings compared to hers.  I wish I was drunk.  I wish I was stoned.  I wish I was high on shrooms or acid.  I wish I was rich.  I wish I was ballsier.  I wish I heeded my nature more than I do social expectations.  The kids are playing charades.  Like my life is.  Whatever.  I just have to hurry and finish this and get them going on their lesson.  What else?  I don't want to take a night off work yet.  I'm going to have to if I want to go to that Clipper game next week.  I wonder if this party is a bad idea?  Huuuhhh.  Damn.