By the light of the meat-eating sun

We 2/28/96

I am zonkaroolooed today. Took one of those hits o' cid last night. Nothing cerebral, just the six hour body buzz. Poll at the Goose with McGoo. Got out cheaply enough at $25 on two pitchers, 7 pool games (I won 2--those old black dudes are good), a bottle of bud and a $4 tip for the barmaid. Nothing for the strippers. Then we went to the Insanity Pepper's dad's house. Theyre lending me a camara to make some video of me teaching that I have to turn in for my intern class.
I also need to write an introduction explaining my qualifications. What are they? What do I bring to the future of our children? Today the kids came running up babbling all at once. Cesar hit Cristian and Cristian had a bloody nose and was crying, they said. Then around the corner came Cesar and Cris. There didn't appear to be any animosity between them, though Cesar is a notorious brawler. His Dad named him after Julio Cesar Chavez, the boxer. Cesar appeared to be comforting Cristian, a big heavy kid, and Cristian said it was an accident. Yeah, right. Since he was unwilling to press any charges, I didn't file any.
Tomorrow I take them all to the La Brea Tarpits.

This book the Razor's Edge mangaed to make it into my backpack.
Ms Bacchus is making a play.
I'm already down to lines instead of paragraphs.. I think for now I ought to focus on the overall narration in paragraphs and add lines and dialog later maybe. The genie is talking to Alladin on TV Djinn Type type type tap type tip tap tatype type
So it's more of an exercise here than the actual competititon so to speak

But aren't they equally important? -----I think my head spurts energy blasts, or maybe it's just a change in air pressure, but sometimes my brain gives a little heave followed by a crick in the wall or a thump on the window or a bang inside the TV.

A woman I work with wants me to fly to Mammoth with her and her Chilean sister. She said she would fly us or we could rent a plane for about eighty dollars an hour. Huh?
Hoolea MerIyes interviewed me for an essay she was writing on people's reading habits. I read a lot. Always have.

Jefa and el nino are having a leap year party

---Maybe it's the unexpectedness of sudden sound that makes my head do that.

Gah damn I missed Bill Nye last night I didn't tape it it was already on when I thought of it so I didn't tape it and it was a good one about momentum.
Ski Chile
Questions for kids to ask tomorrow at Page. How do scientists know how old a fossil is?

by the light of the meat eating sun

Just Another Day

Mon. 2-26-96

Does not end in death or marriage

Suddenly stopped writing when before I'd done it faithfully even if it was bad

Aaron and sin, wrapped in the flag

Abandoned by your father and Creator

Tu 2-27-96

Making noise like a boy speeding a toy motorcycle, that's how bad I want to be done with this and move onto --what? What else should I be doing? Watching TV? Drinking in a bar? Is this better than nothing or not? Should I surf the net for baseball news? --I think from this moment forth I'll never again use the term 'surf the net'. It grates like nails on a chalkboard.

I could correct papers. I'm at school all day, why would anyone want to have it consume all the time not there?

I been selfless lately. Not like in any noble martyring way, but self-less like in a lack of self, like no character. My refusal to be pinned down has become wispy inconsequence. I shrug; I don't know; I have little will beyond a stubborn laziness. Push yourself! Push! Push! Like a mother in labor. Isn't labor to give birth. Isn't work creation? We have to give birth to ourselves every day.
Got the online service up and running finally. Car still overheating. Must need a tune-up, must need the timing adjusted. Take the day off tomorrow maybe, get the fucker fixed up.

Need to email J. Chang and CDO and Nina 1121~~69

Got to get that facking tax form. Thought I could get one from the bank or the library. I rode my bike to the bank. It started raining. When I got there, they said they haven't gotten tax forms in seven years or so. So I rode to the library. It was closed and moved to a new location. I pedaled back through air getting colder and wetter every minute, a gray figure in a gray sweater on a gray day. Lucky I didn't get run over.

The Chinese has just been delivered.

Got that cid from Jet and La nina that I paid for last summer at the mountain party. I took a little a little while ago. So far nothing. I should do some recording for a few minutes. It's already 5:00. We watched a Bill Nye the Science Guy video about biodiversity at school today. I don't think the kids really understood the English.

I read about Aaron and the people while Moses was on the Temple Mount. It was funny to me that they fell into nudity and idolatry while Moses was away. I thought of trying to connect it to Adam in the Crack story.

That's three pages. Thank God that's over. Uh-the-uh-thee-the-the-theaya, the theheheha--That's all folks!

Something Strange Maybe in the Night Sky

M 2-19-96
I have really been slacking. Something took me out for a week. What could it have been. I have just returned from a weekend at Lake Mead. I hope that it restores my production. I need to zero in on what exactly to to with my presence.
I started reading a book about the nature of time by physicist Alan Lightman called Einstein's Dreams. It is some thirty or so different interpretations of time presented as dreams Albert had during the time he was writing theory of relativity and working at the patent office. I like the prose, but I would have preferred it to have a structure with plot and character.

I saw something very strange and unexplainable while camping this weekend. I was lying in my tent looking out through the window at the night sky. I looked at each star and light that could be within the frame of the window and the mountains. I began to catch glimpses--at what depth I couldn't tell, or I should say distance I suppose, it might have been in deep space, but I think it was just the upper atmosphere--of tiny lights darting across the sky. As my eyes adjusted to the depth of field and picked up the speed at which these lights were moving, I was treated to quite a show. I would have thought they were satellites, or meteorites, except that they were zigzagging and changing direction at precise geometric angles and they would speed up and slow down. I have goosebumps now recalling it. A speck of light would speed across the field of sky in the frame of vision I had through the opening in the tent. The lights seemed to move from star to star, like they were hiding in the light of the stars behind them. Three of them came together equidistant from each other, plotting the corners of a triangle, then rotated and spun off in three opposite directions. I had been smoking--mabye my eyes were playing tricks on my mind. I tried to get Peachtree to wake up and have a look, but he didn't want to.

Also the inflatable mattress I bought at Kmart glowed when I rubbed a hand across it. Didn't hold air worth heck, but it glowed at night, not like static, but like phosphorous.

Because I was high, does that invalidate everything?

Skip it

Su 2-11-96
I didn't care to write in here yesterday. Maybe if I get going and do twice as much I can make it up.

I have not felt right much lately.

How can I fix myself up? Am I worrying too much about money?

Oxygen is the most valuable element, tho hydrogen is #1.

I'm a big lame-o. loser geek jerk.

To Hell with it.

Black Holes, Newtonian Law, and Heavy Drinking

Sa 2-10-96
Going nowhere, it seems, the old treadmill routine, but that's a lie, too, some of treadmills are more like convertible La-Z-Boy Barcalounger EZ Chairs, are cozy, and hard to get out of. I've got no momentum, the Newtonian Law of Inertia rules my life, a body at rest tends to remain at rest; A body in motion remains in motion. Is that right? Unless acted upon by external forces. I could go look it up, but then I wouldn't be writing, in violation of my agreement which is, as always, to write and not worry about how lame it is, but just to write without stopping until I've filled these three pages.
I blame everybody else for not writing--not true--Got to try harder.
I bought this video game for the computer where you wander around this sci-fi island and try to figure out what's going on. Like I paid money for that when I can wander around my living room for free and try to figure out what's going on.
"Three Coins in the Fountain" is on the American Movie Channel right now.
What could have been more cool than starring in a lot of westerns and war pictures?
I had my sweats on backwards today. The Nike sole checking account. The phone bill and the car insurance bill came today.
Dialog with her is like quicksand.
S'pos'tuh go to Pasadena to visit Pablo and Esteban and Esteban. There's a voodoo blues man playing at the House tonight. That could be cool. Shogun with Mariachi. In two hours I'm leaving. So I've got to write a good introduction for my portfolio. I'll definitely open a file for it today. I've got some computer hassles to hack through.
Shirelle's in the next room watching TV. The Thing just bailed. "It's clobberin' time!" Gip and Derb were working on a flyer for a St. Patrick's Day party.
Do nothing. If something comes up, deal with it. I've been in jail three times. DUI, UCI, Pasadena. Ain't she sweet, making money off her meat. What else? Totem pole bear head.
Hilary Clinton was at an elementary school in Pacoima today. I saw her motorcade.
I could really use some heavy drinking tonight. Would that not further increase the gravity of the black hole?
I've got to start devoting a chunk of time to Jim every day. What could I do with a half hour every day? Too bad we don't have prehensile tails. Bebop skah diddly wop.
What the motherfuck. Guitar? 15 min.? Internet? CDRom? Write, fool, write. Claris Works. Simple Text. The Writing Center, A kid threw up in front of the class. Alma Torres's litte brother.
Saint John John - character.

nONSENSE

F! 2-9-96
That Dylan Thomas collection merits additional comment. I'd thought to consider the work as a whole, and since he arranged the poems I looked for a progression. Intricate--
Each poem needs to be considered separately---Whatever.

You have so many feelings it's hard to know which one to go with

Staring at the sun--there's a rule about that. Don't do it. You'll go blind. Why is that true during an eclipse? Wouldn't the light be diminished?

He looked at her cruelly. "You still here?"

Peachtree called. San Diego State's hockey team is going to be taking on USC at the Sports Arena.

His front right canine had grown sharper and cut the inside of his lip. It stabbed it's own lesion repeatedly. He found that if he held his jaw the right way so that the big front right tooth---

An anthropomorphic dog in a jester's hat with bells, he drew. 

Shirelle's got some salmon. Need to get my $200 car alram fixed ? Need to pass that f--king BCLAD. That crooked frikkin' BCLAD. Talk to someone at Osage about that f--king BCLAD. Crack! CDROMS to play web hook up to redo
--Agh urg ooog e ip skabipple rebop shbau
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Everything sucks. Let's just blow through this shit---Lava of contempt. I don't give a the first f--ck---I think going out tonight will consist of a 1/2 hour walk around the neighborhood.
--Parent conferences did in the twenties only two no-shows
--I has taken too long to get here. I'm too slow. I'm getting fat.
--Let's go with some affirmations. I'll walk a half hour. When? When I'm done with this. I'll be a loser at home Work out this computer bullsh-t. Gonna lose shell. My culture is shallow ugh bacteria urg HPIUY(8hwiehr9*YQ9O8R[oho[[)(QOWIpojzgf0o94uta]rpoya;e94tu0qidlfaj4pt98qu[woriga[poreut[ahjg;soiru[UGPOSAIRJG[A9RUT]APRJ
Yeah yeah yeah CDROM I'm a loser baby why don't you kill me . Please J(EP*R{YWEW(GHWPE(*UGFB(E*foiehvfapor8ty[OHEFPOIf[
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