2-4-99 Th 9:35 AM
      Here we go again.  How am I ever going to write three pages?  It all be rhetoric.  The sky is heavy today.  I though the clock might be wrong when the alarm went off, it was so dark outside.  The kids are finding definitions for their vocabulary words.  I ate a bowl of cereal this morning.  I could go for a burger now, though.  I'm going to read a story called "Gold" by someone named Kim Edwards in the volume of 1993's Best American shorts.  10:07:30 AM When we left for recess I left this journal open on my desk while I went to make some copies. For a moment I considered shutting the journal in case anyone should come in and discover what a twisted bastard I really am.  But I thought, Nah, who would come into my locked room?  Sure enough, when I returned from recess, the front door stood wide open.  I wonder who did that? 
Got a mind to head up to Jack in the Box today. I ought to go down to the nurse's office and weigh myself.  There's a short meeting after school today.  I have to pick three kids who need help in reading for a pull-out program.  Twenty minutes 'til lunch.  I read the newspaper this morning.  What else?  Haven't worked on Jim lately.  Still haven't had the blow-out nor changed the spare.  I didn't even do a third-person, past-tense page yesterday.   I may have found a good conversation for the car.  I haven't smoked any weed in the last thirty-six hours. Shirelle came over last night.  I was super tired.  I was already in bed asleep when she got there.  My sister called.  I asked her to call back today.  She wants to pay me airfare for her ticket to Idaho.  I should just tell her to give it to Mardi or something.  My car will be siting on Shirelle's finger come Monday.  I need a drink.  The thought of it makes me want to swill pitchers of beer.  One more day 'til I can.  Got to go to night school again tonight.  What else?  So far I haven't been removed from office.  Five minutes until we can start getting ready for lunch.  Que mas?  Kate Moss?  Javier has a new Florida Gators hat. He's trying to figure out the electronic Jeopardy game. He just plays around with the buttons, doesn't bother to answer the questions.  I'm starving.  I'm going to have to go and bust my diet. I'll be needing some coffee to stay awake after lunch.  We've got to correct the review work of our Cheyenne chapter. Irene came up. She said, "Mr. Zurn, Hessica and Brenda are laughing, and I'm doing my work."  What can you say about that that's true?  I went with a half-truth:  "Well, you're a lot better then they are then, aren't you?"  She just hissed and went back to her seat.

Electricity

2-3-99 W 11:10 AM
The kids are working on their math. Adding Two-Digit Numbers.  My STULL evaluation went off without a hitch. I went to the donut shop at recess.  That's pretty much the extent of my day so far. There's something I have to do after school today--Oh, yeah--I have to bake my chicken. I already typed fifteen minutes before school.  It's a beautiful day.  High blue sky.  What else?  I'll have to skip lunch.  I'm getting wired on coffee so I don't pass out during Book Pals this afternoon. I've got problems.  BIG problems.  Love problems.  Shirelle says I'm stringing her along.  Am I? It doesn't really feel like I want to get married. I feel confused and apprehensive. Coming here and seeing YKW every day doesn't help at all.  Feels like my calf is cooking in the sun coming through the door.  I could go for a drink and a smoke and a fuck.  I've got to change that tire.  I'll finish the Ring Lardner story "Alibi Ike" during silent reading after lunch.  It's an amusing pleasure.  He made a noise with his lips like a horse snorting. I've got to go to LACAS before night school tonight.  Leslie and Lauren went to Q's on Friday.  Lauren stood with her button fly not six inches from my writing hand while I did the crossword in the lunch room; I don't know about her, but I could feel electricity running between the two.  What else?  Dawn Delgado and her fine melons should be here soon.  I guess I'll probably be falling asleep on the couch when I get home. What else? Veruca Salt, that little brute, has just gone down the garbage shoot. What the heck else?  What else? I can't think with Roald Dahl in my ear.  I finished "Alibi Ike." I'm going to read Toni Morrison's Tar Baby next.  Dawn said I should read Bluest Eye.  I've got to get Song of Solomon.  Pedro is a little Mayan boy. Even Spanish is a mystery to him, but not so much as English.  Before I read Tar Baby, I'll read one of The Best Essays of 1994.  I've got to read Sean Mason's book.  We've got to remember to put the chairs up today, so the floor can be vacuumed.  We have a meeting after school tomorrow. Augh! [Red ink sketch of a baseball player] What else?  "You're a nice boy, but you know what?  You talk too much."  I think my rib is broken.  We go home in twenty minutes.  I can't wait to be drinking at Q's on Friday. Got a mind to try to get up inside ele ah ooh erry eh enneh.  That's all for now.

2-1-99 10:42 AM M
In class.  The kids are doing their math chapter pre-test.  Word of the Week went off without a hitch this morning.  Mr. Herschel came in while the kids were cleaning out their desks.  I told him we were having desk inspection in advance of his evaluation on Wednesday.  He said, "Don't worry.  You're good as gold."  Yeah, right.  I have to get some student work samples up on the walls, set up some centers, and develop an ESL lesson for my TA.  Kendoll is going to give me a ride at lunch to take my payroll form to LA Tech center.  2-2-99 8:20 PM Tu  Night school.  Juma is finishing copying off the board.  He's from Kenya and knows Swahili and Arabic, but he's having a hard time with English.  Unlike my Latin students, the characters are all different for him.  Even the direction is different.  10:21 PM  I just finished Under the Volcano.  It saved itself at the end.  Strong, tragic climax.  11:47 PM  I can't go to sleep.  I'm not tired enough. I took a little nap after school today.  Had some cold coffee.  Folded some laundry.  My feet are a little below room temperature. Is that possible?  Shirelle stayed at her place again tonight.  I'm at my desk.  The computer is on. I had a wee smoke a while ago.  Benched a hundred pounds fifty times.  Cooked a steak.  I forget the cut.  Rode bike down Pico to Pio Pico.  I should just go to bed.  Payday is Friday. Sheer terror on the horizon.  Loneliness.  More than thirty people have been showing up for my night school class.  It's the most in the school.  A lady called about bringing a survey into the office tomorrow.  I have to pick up my attendance and the survey at LA High before class and then go back afterward to drop off the survey after class. What else?  Firmin  Fearmean.  Dat's me.  Fear Mean.  I must be trippin' on that coffee.  There's a beer in the fridge. I should do curls instead.  Brush my teeth.  I should shave for my evaluation.  What about Shirelle?  It's a question I don't want to ask, let alone answer.  God bless her. That's for sure.  I have no shirt on.  A car just pulled into the driveway. Must be the Swamp Thing coming home.  I should get around twenty-seven hundred on this check, I think.  I have a thousand left to pay off on the Fleet card. I should be able to pay all that, and then it'll be adios to that bastard.  Ten grand to go on the GM Card.  I guess my game show check will be about that much, and then I'll be able to payoff that one.  Then if I don't lose my night job, I should be able to get Gramma Vera's car fixed up.  Eighty-two convertible LeBaron, white with a couple red orange pinstripes the same color as Vera's hair.

1-31-99 2:58 PM Su
9:35 PM Listening to Rimsky-Korsakov.  "Sherazade."  It's big. It's beautiful.  It lends my life an air of high drama as opposed to the kind of bullshit drama it really is. I woke up at four in the morning and came to my desk and realized what a really bad writer I am.  Oh, well--what else am I going to do?  Watch more tv?  Watch that "Change of Heart" show? Elmer picked me up about three today.  We drove past the Key Club on Sunset, but there was a line to get in, so we kept driving.  We went to Dina's on Orlando and Blackthorn.  They had Tecate and BBQ ribs and chicken.  The Super Bowl was a real yawner.  We played some nickel poker.  I won it all, a whole three dollars and sixty cents.  We came home.  I watched "The Simpsons" and cleared a three-month pile of junk mail off my desk.  Shirelle came over.  She's not happy.  She went to bed. Geoffrey is getting ornery.  There's not much else to say.  I was reading a journal from August of 'ninety-six.  Worthless gibberish. 

1-29-99 F 6:50 PM
In a constant state of trying to decide what to do.   1-30-99 11:04 AM Sa  My kids asked me if I was drunk yesterday.  That blew me away.  "Why would you think that?" I asked. They said, "Because you were smiling and laughing."  I was NOT laughing; I was trying to get them to do an assignment.  Plus, it's not like it's unusual for me to laugh or smile. I said, "Come on, kids. It's Friday.  You've got to loosen up sometimes.  They all started cheering.  "THE REAL MR. ZURN IS HERE!! THE REAL MR. ZURN IS HERE!!"  That tripped me out.  I'd only had one beer, but I was slightly high.  "I'm an alcoholic," he said.  "I tried to be a recovering alcoholic for a while, but it wasn't ay fun, so I just went back to being a regular alcoholic.  Myshae had two half dollars and a dollar bill. She wanted everyone to know.  "Myshea's got two dollars," I said, "Who can guess what coins and bills she has?"  We had been studying this.  "How does she have her two dollars?"  Vincent said, "Maybe she did some nice things for it."  That floored me.      At lunch, I saw Florelle.  I told her about Shirelle's dream.  Florelle said she had the same dream about HER boyfriend. Weird. Villasenor came into the break room talking about weird dreams and full moons.  She said, "He should go on that show "Change of Heart.""  She was using a lot of crude Freudian phallic symbols.  Whatever.  We watched the beginning of "Pinocchio", speaking of phallic symbols.  We went to PE.  Zannat suggested golf.  I rode my bike home.  Elmer came over, and we drank beer and smoked and played cards.  Carlos stopped in for a while, too.  Then Shirelle came, and they left.  Shirelle took me to a new sushi place at Highland and Melrose.  We drank sake.  When we came home, the GIP was here.  I staggered into my bed and passed out.  I read Volcano and the paper this morning and typed.  Have to send out Leticia's recommendation.  Take my W-2 to Matthew.  The Bahamas letter.  The parking ticket.  Third person. Drink. Shoot pool.  Whatever. Whatever.  Whatever.