Terribility

10-24-98 12:40 PM Th
I'm so bummed I have to work tonight.  Oh, big deal.  You can use the money.  Terrible.  Terribility.  Skeleton out the closet.  I was paranoid about the walk tonight, and then Mr. Martinez gave me a ride in his Trooper, I think it is. 
What else?  I'm 50 minutes early.  I need to just finish this.  What else?  You shouldn't smoke.  I could go for a drink.  What else?  What.  Something I don't even want to write.  I'm full of fear.  Halloween tricks.  Every tock of the clock puts a hitch in my ribs.  I need to get to the batting cages.  My balls ache.  My dick dribbles.  It dampens cold.  What's it to ya?  Anyway.  Giving some What happened?  maybe.., whatever.  Desert in my throat.  There's a bat gnat in here.  Whatever.  You forgot your jacket, stupid.        ~...not getting in those tights again this year.  You know, last year I looked like Jackie Gleason.  [pretty detailed US Senate logo in black ink a bit off kilter]  Whatever.  Just giving some tests tonight.  That's what I was going to say.  And two pages to go still.  It's already five forty-five.  What else?  When I get home...what?  Jim seems like a bad joke tonight.  The suggestion of murder and robbery.  Shouldn't I open the door out there?  The students may be waiting.  Class isn't 'til six though.  Hows to~There was knocking on my chamber door.  It was Sheryl.  I've got to get my books.  Oralia is here with her baby.  I don't have any idea what to do tonight.  I feel all discombobulated.   My throat is a little dry and scratchy.  My eyes're a little dry, my post-nasal a little drippy.  There are only three students here so far.  My class is going to get closed from lack of interest before my credential expires.  What else?  Man, there ain't nothing.  There ain't no life nowhere.  My mortality strikes me hard suddenly.  Douglas whatever-his-name's testicular cancer.  Was that all it was?  Four students.  It's after six now. Would have maybe read some Independence Day.  Maybe on the way to work.  I should have walked.  I had some foreboding though .  Ana Rita walked in.

10-27-98 Tu 7:50 PM
Night school.  My numbers are dwindling.  Am I teaching poorly?  Are they pissed about the days I haven't been here?  Who knows?  I can't wait to get out of here tonight. All I had for lunch was cottage cheese.  Shirelle's going to come over tonight to whip up some red snapper (whip her snapper?) and some red beans and rice and corn bread.  I have some white wine chillin' in the fridge.  Like to have a little puff maybe, to hell with this cold, write a third-person page, force myself to deal with Jim, watch "Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control."  It's dark now when I walk those miles along Pico to here.  Pico seems a little meaner at night, but I feel fearless.  Got a little acid in my tummy, though.  Haven't written any of the letters I meant to write.  Hmm.  Keep thinking a few little things I shouldn't think.  Shrill picked up some surgeon's duds for me to bloody up to wear to school on Friday.  How can I make some body parts?  What else?  Tomorrow is Red Ribbon Day at school.  That's drug-resistance day.  We're going to let go a bunch of balloons with drug resistance messages, like "Don't Do Drugs (Give 'em to Me)."  I have a paper cut on my left pointer knuckle.  What else?  The kids are going to write scary stories this week.  We'll watch "A Winnie the Pooh Halloween."  And "The Magic School Bus in the Haunted House."  And "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow."  I'm also going to read them the legend.  There are a bunch of parties this weekend.  Florelle's having one Friday or her friend is, what's her name, Yvette, the hot one from Cinco de Mayo.  Florelle said, "We'll pick you up."  Saturday, John and Mina Ball are having one in Lakewood, and then Barbie Rey is having one just over on Orange, and Ben and Debbie are having one, too, up off Beverly.  Class is over now.  Everyone's gone.  I'm just trying to fill this page.  There's not much to say.  I got my keys back.

Yikes

10-26-98  M 11:05 AM
Like an idiot yesterday, I went to Shanghai Red's with Shirelle and the Gip.  We met Modchill and Sarah and James and Joel.  Drank screwdrivers and mimosas and ate only a couple of small plates of food.  Then we drove over to the Oktoberfest at Alpine Village in Torrance.  We did the Chicken Dance and drank 32 oz. beers.  Then we went to the Redondo Pier and sat around the fire at Tony's.  I had a couple of bourbons.  Then we went to the arcade and rode the Tilt-A-Whirl.  My head was hurting.  Shirelle got mad because when she said, "It smells like oysters in here," I said, "Then close your legs."  She got over it, though.  I drove us home.  I needed something solid in my stomach, so I stopped at Jack in the Box and got a Grilled Sourdough Burger and a 99-cent chicken sandwich.  We got home about nine fifteen.  I went straight to sleep.  My cold has gone from the runny stage to the heavy stage.  The kids are particularly dumb today.  I must be contagious.  After school I guess I need to bring some cash to the jewelers.  Why do I hear funeral procession music?  I have to get my LACAS paperwork.  Have to type even though I don't feel like it anymore.    Have to go to work.  Watch either "The Wedding Singer" or "Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control."  Read some more Independence Day.  What'll I do for lunch?  Papa Rico's?  Fast?  11:45  I'm at Papa Rico's.  I ordered a turkey sandwich.  Shirelle wants me to go back to the jeweler and put some more money down on that diamond.  Tell me that you need no diamond rings and I'll be satisfied.  Tell me that you want the kind of things that money just can't buy.  I don't care too much for money.  Money can't buy me love.  Everybody tells me so.  7:35 PM  I'm at night school now.  Got a nice wet cough.  Shirelle drove me to the bank on Temple and then to the Jewelry District downtown to give those guys another five hundred dollars.  How can you ever know your true feelings?  Are feelings ever a hundred percent pure?  I don't dare express my doubts and attractive alternatives.  Not even in here.  I'm terrified.  Resigned.  What else?  Frank Bascombe split with his girl.  We're supposed to watch "The Wedding Singer" tonight.  I forgot to bring back "The Spanish Prisoner" thereby incurring a late fee.  What else?  When's that "Jeopardy!" check gonna show?  Around December 13th, I guess.  I have quite a few letters I need to write.  Have had no contact with Jim.  What else?  It sounds like my English class is practicing their Spanish.  My ears itch. 

10-25-98 Su 3:07 AM DST
The clock on the cable box switched to Daylight Savings Time by itself.  Makes me suspicious.  What else can the cable company do in my house?  Big Brother's watching...For like the tenth year in a row I've wanted to be out on this night to see if the bars stay open an extra hour, but for some reason or other, I've never done it.  This time I have a rotten cold.  Seems like I always get sick in October.  I wondered what stopped me in previous years.  I can't recall.   A black cat walked right across my path, the concrete path leading to my front door.  There was no way around it short of walking around the block and climbing the fence.  I tried to jump its trail.  THIRTEEN hours later, the next morning, another black cat darted across the sidewalk I was on to the other side of the street.  I thought I might be okay since she had a white patch on her nose, but THIRTEEN hours later, I had a massive allergy attack (I am allergic to cats) that has bloomed into a full-blown cold.  I can't sleep.  I'm thinking of reading some Independence Day next.  Maybe a slight puff and a third-person page.  Have to trip on Ezekiel.  What's with the four-faced beings that don't have to turn to change direction?  Reminds me of that thing at Lake Mead.  What else?  Have to call Idaho.  Supposed to go to Alpine Village for Oktoberfest.  Watched a Mamet movie called "The Spanish Prisoner."  Types Mamet a lot of boring, trying to be edgy dialog from which you have no idea who or what anyone's talking about for the first hour or so.  Peripheral characters muttering mysterious general profundities.  Shirelle and I ate Little Joe's about twelve hours ago.  Got acidic pesto and Alfredo burps.  Got a load churning in the wash.