12-6-00 12:43 PM W

Whatever. I don’t feel like doing this. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s counterproductive to write just for writing’s sake without any reason or feeling. Maybe I should try to limit my output to what feels right and good. That might be about one sentence a week, though. Ugh. I never did do a third-person page yesterday. I tried to nap, but Ada wasn’t going for it. The next thing you know, it was time to go to work again. Ho hum. We studied for the test. After I got home, we watched “The Prince of Egypt.” The animation was exquisite, the story well-told. It forced me to revisit some bitter questions about Exodus at the same time it cleared up other questions. I never understand why good would “choose” one people and forsake another. I guess slavery was the reason the Egyptians were forsaken, and the Hebrews embraced. I’m not sure the Bible ever says that, though. It must be inferred. Whatever. I’m tired, as usual. Sick of my lack of freedom, as usual. Was the Egyptians’ treatment of the Hebrews much different from the Israelis’ treatment of the Palestinians? Whatever. I got to school early to work in the informational picket line for about ten minutes or so. I got a newspaper. Read it between lessons. Kobe beat Iverson. Vargas thinks getting his ass kicked by Trinidad shows that he has heart. Bush smirks. Gore snivels. They argue for whatever puts them in power, and if they situations were reversed, they’d argue the opposite of what they argue now. Ugh. Ack. Ick. I want to drink and smoke and throw caution to the wind.  Whatever. My writing is the opposite of universal. It’s selfish. Phonics. Y as long e. ea as long e. Dictionary definitions. Recess. I ran some copies. Horowicz asked my daughter’s name. I told her. “Oh, like Eva Braun,” she said. “No. With an ‘A,’ like Ava Gardner.” Rude bitch. No wonder they invite extermination. Genocide is evil. Murder is evil. Oppression is evil. Does anyone ask if their behavior invites consequences? Were the Jews blameless? Innocent? I think about this too much. I do not believe in hate. Ugh. But I do hate hypocrisy. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe hypocrisy is unavoidable. It’s a byproduct of society. Whatever. How can I free myself? Ugh and fuck, as usual. I work too much. I don’t feel like part of a community. Where are the thinkers? Where is the dialog? God, I want a drink and some real interchange of ideas. Ugh. Rochelle and the baby are going to her sister’s tomorrow. I’m supposed to meet up with Thing. Whatever. I’ve got to read a story to the kids. Why are my journal entries always so negative and awful?